A Domestic abuse victim's story
I had just come out of a long term abusive relationship and was receiving support from my local Women’s Aid. One day I was talking to my counsellor about my new partner and as I was talking about some of the things he was doing that I wasn’t happy about, things that my previous partner had done - Not the physical abuse but trying to control me and undermine me - alarm bells started ringing.
I didn’t know what to do. My support worker suggested trying the disclosure scheme. Initially I was worried that he would find out or be approached. But I was assured that wouldn’t happen.
I didn’t know anything about his background other than he had some issues with his ex. He blamed her for this. But then he started doing things that reminded me of my previous partner, not violence just little things. He would grab my phone, or look over my shoulder while I was using it. He would constantly call me and if I didn’t answer he would send an angry text message. He would say nasty things about me but in a jokey way, that what had happened to me before was my own fault. He threatened to put things on Facebook, or tell my friends things I had told him in private. He knows things about me that I don’t want others knowing.
Despite all of that, I wasn’t expecting a disclosure, so it was a shock when I was told my request had been agreed. Receiving that type of information and deciding what to do with it is challenging. I was left with a tough decision to make.
I am now in the process of removing myself from the relationship. He doesn’t know that I know anything about him and I’m afraid of what he might do if he found out. So I’m trying to finish the relationship in a way that protects me, my family and friends from possible harm. It is difficult but I’m glad I applied for disclosure and I’m glad I now know.
"Not violence just little things."
"He would grab my phone,"
"if I didn’t answer he would send an angry text message."
"He threatened to put things on Facebook, or tell my friends things I had told him in private."
"He would say nasty things about me but in a jokey way"
Domestic abuse can and often does start with the little things. It's important to recognise that all of the above are examples of domestic abuse. If your partner is exhibiting this sort of behaviour, and you are concerned about their history; you should consider using the Disclosure Scheme for Domestic Abuse Scotland to find out more about your partner.
If we feel that your partner has a history of domestic abuse that you should be made aware of, we can take steps to relay this information to you in a way that keeps you safe and allows you to make an informed decision.